What About Grace
Last week we talked about the middle. What does it mean to be in the middle? What does the middle look like? How do we define the middle?
One word I’ve heard a lot of when it comes to the middle is grace. And I do believe that grace is a great tool to have available when we’re working on reconciling differences and making space for newness. But unfortunately, that’s not the only way grace is used by some people. I think examining our use of grace is helpful when we look at defining the middle.
Grace is such a lovely word. It brings to mind this idea of receiving something you don’t deserve and didn’t earn. (Yes, I’m mushing grace and mercy together like most people do.) To be forgiven and ready to move on to a bright and beautiful future. Grace is the icing on the spiritual cake. It makes everything better. Grace is also the heart of the matter, empowering us with second chances and cleaning up the messes we’ve made. Grace is amazing.
But what about when grace gets used to create or cover harm.
Recently a friend of mine, who served for many years in my old denomination, was unceremoniously dumped because he said there might be space for LGBTQ folx to not be condemned for existing. He was close friends with many of the leaders that surrounded him. While at first they tried to be kind and act like they would listen, soon it was the quick replies, passive aggressive responses, and a quick “grace and peace” as they led him to the door. A career of loving and fruitful ministry tossed by the side of the road — “gracefully” of course. This is when grace causes harm.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen grace used as excuse to overlook harmful behavior, forgive (over and over) the local church terrorist, make excuses for people who refuse to work on themselves but have enough money or power to hold positions of power, or to ignore outright and blatant narcissistic behavior (or hidden narcissistic behavior for that matter). And the list goes on. When “grace” is used to overlook these kinds of things, real people get hurt. And strangely there’s no grace for their complaints or calls for accountability.
When people, still inside the system, call for accountability, they often get accused of being ungraceful, ungrateful, and mean. Yet, calling out bad behavior, calling out unhealthy compromise and allegiances, is something we see modeled in the Biblical text. But when we do it in our churches, silence and name calling is often the response. Many times delivered in a candy coated wrapping of the need for “grace.”
Go examine yourself. Where are you hiding your sin? What’s wrong in your heart? What do you need to fix to see this differently? Said lovingly, with a pat on the back and maybe some altar prayer. You know what I’m talking about.
That’s not grace. It’s a cover up. And it makes us doubt our senses, our wisdom, our knowledge, and our power of observation. Deflection isn’t graceful. It means the powers that be don’t want to address the very things that are already going on.
There’s no clearer large-scale example of this than the recent report released by the SBC. Here we see groups of leaders systematically tracking the problem behind the scenes and systematically abusing victims for calling them out. Demanding grace from those that were harmed to preserve the careers of other ministers.
Grace was used as a weapon to hide the very real, systemic, and violent harms that were happening in congregations across the country. Grace should never be used to avoid facing the darkness within and bringing about justice where it is required.
— Sexual assaults and abuse victims require justice.
— People living through racist micro-aggressions and racism in their churches deserve justice.
— LGBTQ folks forced into silence and self-loathing deserve justice.
— Church members bullied by rich and powerful members deserve justice.
— Unpaid and underpaid ministry students and ministers deserve justice.
— People abused and abandoned by the church in favor of their abuser deserve justice.
Saying that the person harmed just needs to give more grace is sin. It’s harmful. And it’s abusive.
While, depending on your theology of atonement, grace is enough to free us from sin; grace is not a sufficient answer when we don’t want to deal with difficult situations, when we don’t want to look at the harm our systems cause, or when we don’t want to deal with situations of abuse among the people we serve or our co-leaders. Gracing it away dehumanizes everyone involved and sullies the beauty that grace can bring to the table.
I’m starting to believe that when we separate grace from action, from justice, from reconciliation, that we’re not doing our part to honor the work done before us. Grace can be free. (As God’s grace is to us.) But grace in a fallen world requires us to do the work to bring about re-creation and reconciliation in the situations where that is our responsibility. Ignoring the work by declaring cheap grace as the answer turns the work of the cross into nothing more than a VBS project made with popsicle sticks held together by Elmer's glue.
We need grace. We all need grace in our lives. But it needs to be real, heartfelt, and compassionate. When we use grace as an “answer” to the equation of complicated situations, or downright evil, but refuse to confront the problem, we mock the meaning of the word.
Grace is powerful when we respect the actions that go along with it. But I’m done with cheap grace. Grace that makes excuses and leaves everyone hurting. Let us do the work so that “grace and peace” becomes the motto of believers seeking after justice, not just a pretty closing on our email.
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